The Gentle Sleep Training Strategy that Works: Part 1

Like many moms the first few weeks of a baby’s life feature late nights, lots of wake up to sooth and feed the baby.  Annie was no different. Like clockwork every 2-3 hours we cuddled up on her rocker breastfeeding. Eventually, around 2 months old she was finally able to sleep through the night naturally with no sleep training. 

Eight solid hours was a God send to this tired mama. A few weeks later, she came down with the flu and reverted back to waking up at least two times a night to eat. Of course, I was back to work at this point with no time for rest. I was exhausted.  

I started reading about patterns for babies and strategies to help her sleep through the night. My sister-in-law told me her oldest son slept through the night from day one, but her younger son took 18 months to finally sleep through the night. This was comforting to hear that kids truly are all different, but also disheartening to think I could be at this for 18 months.

Nights Weren’t the Only Problem

Naps (or lack thereof) constantly frustrated me too. At home she would clock 20 to 30-minute naps 4-5 times a day and then wake up fussy. Meanwhile, her day care teachers reported 90-minute naps and Annie’s ability to put herself to sleep. That surprised me because neither of those things happened at home. Ever.

Until Covid happened allowing me to be home with her 24/7, I didn’t realize how problematic her nap schedule was. Here I was a full-time employee and a full-time mom. The latter being my priority of course, but to keep my job (and my sanity) I needed to get some work done.  So, we needed to make some changes.

First Step: Bedtime Routine

The first thing we did was establish a solid bedtime and bedtime routine. At first our routine consisted of her falling asleep in my arms between 8 and 9 while hubby and I watched tv. Then when she was solidly asleep, I would tiptoe upstairs and put her in her bassinet in our room. I never minded letting her fall asleep in my arms, in fact I loved it. But even with the consistent bedtime, she was still waking up at least one time each night. 

Graduating to Her Own Room

At six months she outgrew the bassinet, so hubby and I debated whether to move her to her room in her own crib or to get a pack and play to put in our room until she was a year old (the current recommendation from the American academy of pediatrics). I asked our pediatrician about it, and she assured me that for Annie it was up to our comfort level as long as it’s a completely empty sleep space. 

After a lot of discussion, we decided that since she should move into the crib in her own room. We had a couple reasons for our decision: 

1. Since we were working on sleep habits, and we only want to sleep train once, we wanted to move her before making any other shifts.
2. She was already napping in her crib, so she was familiar with the space.
3. Her room is right next to ours and I can hear her and be to her very quickly if needed.
4. We had the Owlet camera and sock as a backup to help us keep an eye on her.

On her six-month birthday, we moved her to her room for bedtime, keeping all other factors the same. She still fell asleep with me, and I’d carry her up. She still woke up in the night and I’d spend a lot of sleepy time feeding her and trying to get her back to sleep.

As she got more comfortable sleeping in her room alone, and I started to accept it, we added in more of a routine. Bath time. Last milk feed. Book. Prayers. Sleep sack and owlet.

Our Favorite Bedtime Tools

As part of our routine, we incorporated several tools to help Annie fall asleep and stay asleep.  Tools that also helped us as parents to feel more confident that she was safe, alive, and comfortable.

Owlet Duo Smart Baby Monitor with HD Video, Oxygen, and Heart Rate“>smart sock.  This is a peace of mind for us, but we’re careful not to overthink the data it receives.  The few times the alarm has gone off we use it as an opportunity to go check on her, but don’t immediately panic that something is wrong.  Especially when she’s not feeling good, it’s nice to have an extra monitor to make sure she’s ok.

We also like being able to check in on her using the camera. This helped us during sleep training so we knew she was okay even if she was upset. We like that we can talk to her using the mobile app. Plus here’s a great new feature that sends us notifications when she moves or there’s sound, which helps us know when she wakes up from a nap.

Hatch Baby Rest Sound Machine, Night Light and Time-to-Rise“>Hatch, and I would still recommend it more than a year after buying it.  I like that it acts as a nightlight and has soothing sounds.  We have it programmed to our favorite sounds.  Right now, we have the three songs and two nature sounds programmed in with the exact volume level and light level.  We like being able to control it from that app, so if we forget to turn it on, we can do so using the app instead of going back into her room disturbing her more.  I found that if she wakes up, we can check on her with the Owlet app and then sometimes just changing the song is enough to help her put herself back to sleep.

Annie is still in the crib, but I’m planning to use the different light settings to help teach her when it’s okay to be out of bed once we move her to a toddler bed.

WubbaNub Infant Pacifier – Baby Penguin“>penguin Wubbanub binky and won’t sleep without it.

Sleep Training Methods

Out of desperation and feeling like routine alone was never going to get her to fall asleep on her own, I decided we needed to start working on sleeping skills.  There are many sleep training methods out there, and I researched as much as I could to decide what might woI never liked the idea of leaving our daughter to cry-it-out for long periods of time, and staying with her in a chair by the crib felt like we’d be a distraction.  So, we decided to try a modified version of the cry-it-out method, also known as the Ferber method. We really wanted to teach her that she could fall asleep on her own, and that we’d still be there if she needed us.

We did our regular routine, but instead of falling asleep in my arms we’d put her in her crib, say we love her and close the door. Then if she cried, we’d wait 3 minutes before going in to comfort her. Comforting her would include kissing her cheek, replacing the binky, rubbing her tummy, telling her it is ok and then leaving within one minute. Then if she cried again, we’d wait 5 minutes before going back in for the comfort routine. After that we’d wait 10 minutes before going back in.  If she was still upset after that full cycle, we were prepared to rock her to sleep if needed. That was the plan.

The First Night

The first night we were prepared for a tough night of crying. As expected, the crying started the moment that we left the room. Three minutes went by, and hubby went in to comfort her for one minute. He returned to our room to wait out the next five minutes, but to our surprise she was fast asleep quickly after he closed her door. 

Like clockwork, she started to cry at 5 am. I went to check on her and let her know we were there. After leaving, I waited for three minutes and went back in. Then, like magic, she was asleep again right after I closed her door. Second night was even better.  She slept through the night and has almost every night since.

Applying Strategy to Naps

We still needed to tackle nap time. She was around 7 months now and finally starting to establish a daytime schedule with meals and milk at more structured times.  Applying the same sleep training method we have gone from four or five 30-minutes naps down to two, hour and a half long naps occasionally throwing in a short third nap as needed. 

Top 5 Tips for Sleep Training

Looking back I’d say there are 5 key tips for helping sleep train your kids the way we trained Annie.

1. Establish a routine and be consistent.  Any routine is fine, starting with what you are currently doing.  Once you have a routine in place, you’ll be able to tweek individual parts of it until you get to your ideal routine.
2. Have the right tools.  We chose to use the Owlet Camera and Smart Sock, the Hatch Sound Machine and night light, a cozy sleep sack and a Wubbanub Binky. 
3. Decide on a sleep training strategy that feels right to you.  Our strategy was to let Annie cry but only for a short time and gradually increase the amount of time between comforting her.
4. Apply the same technique to nap times once they’ve mastered night times.
5. Stay strong.  It might take some time.  It might be hard on you, but once you’ve tackled teaching your kids to sleep you will be glad you made the effort.

Not the End of the Story

Nights and naps are so much better now, but as she grows and develops there are always sleep regressions.  I thought I’d only have to do sleep training once, but of course it couldn’t be that easy.  Check out Part 2 here.

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