When I was pregnant with Annie I got some advice that I shouldn’t read too many books for new parents because too much advice could cloud my thoughts and make parenting more stressful. I can appreciate that the sentiment behind the advice was to trust my own judgment as a parent. But I often subscribe to the old saying that it takes a village.
Books serve as a voice from research and experience. If you can read parenting books with a grain of salt then apply (or not) the strategies and advice in a way that works for you then I do actually recommend reading parenting books. If you can’t set it aside to evaluate what will work best for your family then I might go with the original advice to trust yourself and stay away from parenting books.
I realize that there’s not an official parenting handbook and we are all just doing our best. With now two kids, I can say that reading a few strategically selected books for new parents has improved my confidence as a mom. For a little literary support, here’s a list of great books for new parents that I’ve found useful.
1. What to Expect When You’re Expecting by Heidi Murkoff
When I was pregnant with Annie I lived by What to Expect When You’re Expecting by Heidi Murkoff and the associated mobile app. We watched the weekly developmental videos on the mobile app and kept up with the monthly advice in the book. It helped me process what questions to ask in my appointment and to realize when something that felt a little strange was actually totally normal. My doctor was always my go to for concerns, but the book helped me proactively know what to expect (hence the name), which eased some of my nerves.
Get this book when you start trying to conceive if you can and then start reading so you are prepared.
Going back to the mobile app – in the app there are community groups that you can join to share experiences and ask for advice. I joined the group for my due date month, but also the month before my due date. In my birth month group it felt like we were all in it together, when thanks to the hormones I often felt alone. The other group was awesome too though because it was like looking into the future. The girls in the September group would start complaining about swelling, or heartburn and then sure enough a month later I was right there with them.
2. Natural Childbirth the Bradley Method by Susan McCutcheon
After our experience with delivering Annie and spending time in the NICU I was desperate to try something different for our labor with Ace. After a lot of research, I bought the Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way by Susan McCutcheon. I thought I had a plan, but as labor goes, it’s well…hard to plan. Still, after reading this book I felt much better prepared for what was to come and was able to adapt so I could get as close as possible to the unmedicated birth I wanted.
The book gave me some tools based on knowledge of the physical process of birth, how to talk to my husband about what I wanted, and things to practice. Another name for the Bradley Method is “husband-coached childbirth.” The book does encourage the partner to read the book too, but I guess I just used the book a little differently. Ned didn’t read it and I didn’t ask him to. I did read him certain passages that I thought were useful and we talked about it quite a bit. I only wish I had read it twice.
3. Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May
I can’t tell you how many times someone recommended Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May to me and now I definitely recommend it too. Ina May has so much experience and really changed the way I thought about childbirth to help me get closer to the experience I want by trusting my body more.
One thing I loved about this book was all of the birth stories from women who Ina May helped through their labors. Inspiring. They certainly don’t sugar coat it. They don’t make it seem easy, but they do make it feel natural and fulfilling.
It really did make a difference in how I approached the last month or so of pregnancy and then into labor, even though I had a planned hospital birth both times. This is one I’ll read again at least once if we decide to have another baby.
4. Work. Pump. Repeat. By Jessica Shortall
If you are planning to go back to work after maternity leave and you plan to continue breastfeeding, you will probably end up pumping at least some. In my final days of maternity leave both times I struggled with the idea of leaving my babies and the idea of pumping didn’t make that any easier. I wanted to breastfeed full time. Imagining what it would be like to pump at work was just hard to think about.
That’s where Work. Pump. Repeat. By Jessica Shortall came in. Being a breastfeeding, working mom can be demanding and potentially awkward, but also completely fulfilling. This book makes me feel like I’m part of a community of women going through the same thing. It’s full of insight and support with stories from her experience juggling life as a working mom. I finished this book a little more encouraged and mentally prepared for heading back to the office with my pump in tow. It’s a must read as far as books for new parents goes.
5. The 5th Trimester by Lauren Smith Brody
Before having Annie, I had no idea that “trimesters” went beyond just the nine full pregnancy months. Fourth trimester, maybe, that is the baby snuggles and physical healing part I’d heard of. After I went back to work, I learned that the healing and adjustment wasn’t over. I came to think of it as the fifth trimester. Turns out the term had already been coined by Lauren Smith Brody in this book, The 5th Trimester.
This book really is a guide to how to make your new life as a working mother as successful as possible. There’s so much advice. Some funny, some really useful. Once you are back to work this book can help you put some of your own experiences into perspective. Ultimately it was just a really genuine reminder that being a mother is nothing to be ashamed of and you can be successful at both working and motherhood.
6. Oh Crap Potty Training by Jamie Glowacki
My advice is read Oh Crap Potty Training by Jamie Glowacki before your child turns two and then read it again. I got to it just in time as Annie was just ready to start potty training. Admittedly, before reading this book potty training hadn’t crossed my mind and if it had certainly how to do it was nowhere in my wheelhouse.
One of the most important things she explains is how to identify readiness. Then she breaks the process down into blocks, rather than days. We did follow the steps mostly, but potty training is really individual and no one knows your kid better than you. So take this book with a grain of salt and use the parts that will work best for your child.
7. Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki
This one is not parenting but Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert T. Kiyosaki definitely changed the way my husband and I think about investing. Someone told me about this book years ago and I wish I had read it then. I actually read this while Ace was breastfeeding and had a hard time putting it down. I actually highlighted portions and folded down corners of pages to come back to the passages again and again.
He talks about finances from two frames of mind: working for your money and having your money work for you. It was easy to understand, relatable and changed my perspective on money. We have made changes to our financial strategy as a result of what I learned in this book. It’s worth a read and the sooner the better.
What are some other books for new parents that you’ve loved? Share your ideas in the comments.
Cheers!
