Working mom life is a dream for some moms. I’m not going to pretend I understand what that’s like. For me, the working mom guilt is unbearable, enter my stay at home mom goals.
Annie is 17 months old at the time of this post and I’ve been working since she was 3 months old. I remember the first day I dropped her off at daycare. It was soul-crushing. She was safe, surrounded by other adorable kids her age, great teachers, toys, outdoor space, any kids dream I can imagine. But for the 8 hours after dropping her off I felt like my heart was ripping out of my body. I cried…a lot.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of the classroom camera, and I felt like I got no work done. Pumping in the corner office was uncomfortable and awkward. People tried to encourage me by saying it would get better, but every day was the same and I continued to feel guilty, even though Annie seemed plenty happy.
Eventually the waitlist opened up at a daycare with a better location, and my heartache only got worse. Initially I loved the school when we filled out the application and took the tour. But after a few communication mis-haps this grudge-holding mama could keep it together even less than before, especially since I didn’t want to take her to daycare anyway. All I can say is being a working mom is not, and has never been, for me.
Making It Work
Seriously, how do you travel for work while breastfeeding a baby? My co-workers make working mom-life look so easy. I can’t figure out how they do it. Running a conference while trying to breastfeed, no matter how flexible and amazing your boss is, feels impossible to me.
Like I’m letting my baby down because I run in and anxiously try to feed her while watching the time and tapping my foot (breastfeeding takes a long time!). She deserves better attention.
I’m letting my husband down because he has to watch the baby while working a much less flexible job. Add to that the bad hotel internet and long wait for me to come running when the baby decides all of the sudden that second-lunch should have been 15 minutes ago. Leaving him to care for a screaming, starving baby while wondering whats taking me so long.
I’m letting my boss down because I can’t exactly plan on when the baby will need me. Stepping away is not as simple as 5 minutes here and there, it’s more like an hour several times a day.
I’m letting myself down because I can’t do it all, no matter how hard I try. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt more guilty and terrible than that first work trip (so far, the only work trip luckily).
Remote Working Is Not the Same as Staying at Home
Hate to say it, but for me COVID was a life saver. In March (2.5 months after maternity leave), my company let us work 100% remote, allowing me to keep Annie home. Saving the cost of daycare and getting to be the stay-at-home mom I’d always dreamed of being, all while working 40 hours a week as a full-time employee for “The Man.” It’s been one of the best and hardest situations of my life, and still the working mom guilt persists.
Eventually this situation is going to end. My office will open back up and make in person attendance mandatory. And worst of all, I’ll be back to the expectation that I actually travel to the meetings I work so hard to plan each year.
Now, I’m pregnant with #2 (Woohoo!) and I’m more determined than ever to achieve my stay at home mom goals. Much like I’ve been doing throughout the pandemic, only less multitasking with work and more active mom-ing. With Baby 2 on the way, I figure I have 6 months or so to come up with a plan.
The Options
- Learn some new online skills like virtual assisting and transcribing. This is a maybe, I suppose, but doesn’t really sound interesting. I’ll do anything though, so it’s on the list.
- Get crafty and start an Etsy shop. I’m actually interested in this idea, but I don’t really know how to make anything. Even so, everything I think of seems to be pretty saturated or too small of a market. I could probably make candles, but so many other people do that. I could probably make like holiday treat mason jars, but do enough people really want to buy those? Maybe even wedding invitations, but again there is not much unique that I can offer there.
- Follow through with my side hustle dream of becoming a wedding planner. This might actually be doable but might not be enough to cover the bills considering I don’t want to work many weekends, so I’d have to really limit the number of clients I take on. On the pro side, I do have experience and a website, just no actual clients. I could probably get some clients if I invested a little in advertising though, so let’s keep this on the back burner.
- Freelance. I could probably start freelance writing or graphic design, but I’m not really sure where to start with getting my name out there. I’d probably need a class. But time is of the essence, so maybe not…
- Start a blog. I’ve actually thought about this a lot over the last year and a half. I have experience writing thanks to the award-winning Royal Purple yearbook, and several other writing adventures. I just need to figure out how to monetize a blog, but this seems within reach.
Our Stay at Home Mom Goals
Recently during an eye-opening walk with another mom I had a realization. Ned and I have always been on the same page with the eventual stay at home mom goal, but I realized we may have a different idea of when that should take place. In his mind, we could be “financially ready” for me to take a few years off in 5-10 years. But in my mind, the time is now. They need me to breastfeed; they need me to help them reach milestones; they need me to teach them to value family.
We have some goals to meet first.
First, we have to pay off our debt, and we’re making awesome progress. At the beginning of 2020 we had $55K in debt including everything except the mortgage: car payment, several student loans, credit cards, our mattress purchase, etc. Now, a year later we’re down to about $4K all of it at 0% interest, and payoff is highly likely by June.
Second, we need a bigger family car. Our little Honda civic just won’t cut it with two car seats. We need a space for at least one other adult to pile in with Ned, the kids, and I. My mom will be here to help with Annie and Baby 2 and I’d like to avoid having to make her a comfortable seat on the roof of the Civic if we wanted to go anywhere.
Third, (this one definitely complicates my stay at home mom goals) we need a bigger house, which will increase our monthly expenses. So we need to save for a down payment or Baby 2 will quite literally be sleeping in a hallway.
What’s Next
After running some numbers, let’s say we accomplish all of those goals, based on our adjusted budget to reflect those new expenses (car, house, saving for college, etc.) we come up a little short every month all the while still aiming for my stay at home mom goals. So now my goal is to find a way to cover the deficit with those ideas above.
So if you’re interested in hearing more about my progress to becoming a SAHM or hearing about how I raise my kids and life in our family sign up for our newsletter to get the updates, or just keep checking in. Head over to eastmanevents.com if you’re interested in planning a wedding. Or if you have any other ideas for how to accomplish some of these goals, please comment below. I’d love to hear from you.
Cheers!
